Looking back at the things I’ve done
I was trying to be someone
I played my part
Kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart.
“Now let me show you the shape of my heart.” I sang along with the music playing on the radio right now. I really wonder if I’ve shown him the shape of my heart. The song makes me feel there’s something missing in my life. Tears slowly falls down on my cheeks as the realization hit me. It’s so dark tonight… the ambience is very… lonely. Yes, I’m here in my hotel room… alone. I look at the phone I’m holding for the nth time… I’ve been waiting for him to call. We’ve been away for many times but this is the instance when I miss him so badly… it hurts. I slowly close my eyes as I reminisce the remarkable moments we have.
“Excuse me… Excuse me… Miss…”
I stopped walking and turned around to see who called me. “Are you talking to me?” I asked him.
“Yes, Miss. I’m really sorry about the accident before. I spoiled your food.” (Check Youngbae’s POV on Chapter 1)
“Nah… It’s okay… Accidents happen.”
“I’m also sorry about the door incident. I get you into 2 accidents today.” He smiled sheepishly as he wipes his forehead with the back of his hand.
“It seems like you’re a walking accident prone doc. I should better be careful when I’m with you.”
“Ow… I don’t mean to.” He said frowning. “Would you mind having dinner with me? I would like to compensate the food I spoiled.”
“It’s really okay doc. I can buy her another time.”
“But… I insist… I have to buy you some food cause my conscience won’t stop bugging me.” He looked at me pleadingly.
“Well…” He really looked sincere and I thought it won’t hurt if I will say yes. “Okay Mr. Conscience, where are we going to buy our dinner?” I smiled at him thinking how a doctor can be so cute and good-looking without a woman beside him always… except for the nurses who were staring at us as we walk along the hallway.
“Miss Bom, can you wait here a little? I’ll just quickly change my robe.” He softly tapped my elbow as he stopped walking in front of a door with a mark “For Authorized Personnel Only”.
I just nodded and looked at the portion where his hands just touched me. I felt a tingle went up to my spine. What could it mean? I shivered as I push some thoughts away. Okay… He is good-looking. So what?
“Do you want to eat Samgyupsal?” He asked me when we were on the road to nowhere. “I know some good place where Samgyupsal is the best.”
“Samgyupsal is fine.”I smiled at him thinking he looks fascinating without his uniform. He wore a checkered rusty colored polo and blue jeans. He looks very comfortable in it. He doesn’t look like a doctor at all.
“The smile on your face let me know when you need me there’s a look in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me…” He sang along with the music playing currently on the car stereo. I looked at him amazed that he has such good voice.
“You sang pretty well. Do you sing?” I couldn’t help but asked him.
“I just sing. So, I guess its yes.” Then he winked at me. I didn’t know what’s going on but my stomach did some flip-flops when he winked.
“Ow… I mean… You really have a good voice. You can be a singer, you know. For real.”
“hmm… I want to sing but I also love my career as of now. Maybe in the future… I don’t know.”
“Ow… Maybe in the future you will. I mean, you really should.”
“Do you sing also?” He asked me in return.
“I’m a singer.” I answered shyly. Mostly, when people asked me about my career, I usually answer it proudly. That time, I don’t know but I feel shy about it.
“Really… Let’s sing together then.”
“All I want to do is find a way back into love… I can’t make it through without a way back into love… And if I open my heart again… I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end… oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…” We sang together with the stereo, happily glancing and smiling at each other.
I sobbed terribly as I miss those times… I miss singing with him. I pulled a notebook from my drawer and open it at the last page. “You and I together, it just feels so right. Even thought I bid you goodbye, it’s only you for me in this world. You and I together, don’t ever let go of my hands. Even thought I bid you goodbye, it’s only you for me in this world.” I cried singing the song I just made for him.
Ring… Ring… Ring…
I hurriedly grab my phone and wipe my tears away. “Hello?”
“Boo! I miss you! You miss me too… right?”
“Yeah… you seem to be so happy.”
“Uhhu… Do you remember Tablo? Well, they’re having a baby soon. I’m so happy for them.”
“Wow! Really… that’s so nice to hear. They just got married and now they’re expecting a baby already. Send my greetings to them.”
“Yeah… I wonder… When are we going to have ours soon?”
“Bae… you know… we can’t. Not yet… okay?”
“Hmm… Let’s get married then and have babies later. We’ve been engaged for months already. Even your parents are asking me what our plans are.”
“Bae… we will… next year.” I finally blurted it out. I always plan to get married when I turn 25 but things don’t turn out that way. My manager told me, I should not commit myself to a relationship yet if I wanted to succeed in my career. We are planning to launch my debut next year after finalizing my album. I also wanted to debut, it’s not that I’m tired of small gigs at bars. But, I wanted more.
“Yeah… maybe late next year…”
“Wow! Okay then… That’s really good to hear… I’ll tell my parents then.”
“Boo… But, we have to keep it as a secret.”
“I’m not allowed yet. An entertainment agency finally wanted to let me debut as a singer. We were planning to release an album next year. I can’t… I mean… I will be spending more time for my album…”
“It’s just like saying ‘No’.”
“Bae… Please give me more time. Just always remember, I’m just here. Always… for you.”
“Boo… you know… never mind. What can I do anyway? I’ll just wait for you… then.” Youngbae sighed as he said those. At least he said he will wait for me, it makes me feel secure. I really wanted to surprise him with the song. I can’t wait for my debut.
“Okay… I have to go… I’ll be stopping by at your house to check up on Dara.”
“Okay… Send my love to her.” *Click ump… ump… ump…* Oh, how I hate the sound of dial tone. I lay down back on my bed and let out a sigh.
Days have already passed… His operation for his eyes is coming near. All of his wounds are almost healed. It only means my days as his private nurse will come to its end. The way he treated me since the day in the beach have been very nice. He speaks to me softly and rarely orders me around. And, I’m falling deeply in love with him each day.
I’m folding his blanket while he was sitting nearby his bedroom window. I let out a deep sigh as I look at his back.
“What’s that sigh for?” He asks me without turning around.
“Hmmm… Will you take me downstairs to the den? I’m getting bored.”
“Sure.” I move towards him and take his hand while waiting for him to stand up and take a step. We already have the habit that every time he walks he’ll just tag along with me in accordance to the movement of my hand… If I move my hand to the left, it means he have to turn left. When I tag his hand to the right, he has to turn right. When I push it back, it means stop. We seem to understand each other even without talking. I just have to squeeze his hand and he already knows what I mean.
“We’re here.” Arriving at the den, I guide him to the sofa. I tap his shoulder with my other hand to signal him that he may sit already. He was already seated but he still didn’t let go of my hand yet. And, I’m bending in front of him. “Do you need anything else?” I stare at his beautiful face boldly since he can’t see me.
His next action, took my breath away. He pulled my hand hard which makes me stumble towards him. I’m too stunned. I couldn’t say anything. I’m sitting in his lap with our face only inches away. My breathing becomes heavy. My heart is beating wildly. I don’t know why but he is making me nervous. I tried to stand up but he grips my waist tightly. Then, he slowly pulls my face towards his. I’m still in the verge of thinking if I should pull back or what. But it’s too late to decide, since his lips are already exploring my mouth. And, I’m already responding to his kiss. I finally let all my feelings out. I love him. I’ll think of the consequences later. So what if he did this out of the blue without a reason? I don’t care anymore. I want to be kissed by him. Oh, how I long for this moment. I lifted my hand to grip his neck and pull him closer. We’re running out of breath already when my phone rang. I grunted. He laughed and let me go. “Answer your phone. It might be important.” I don’t want to! I shrugged as I retrieve my phone from my pocket. He let out another laugh. I’m still sitting on his lap. My hand is still on his neck tugging on his hair softly.
I check the caller id. It’s Youngbae-oppa who was calling.
“Saendeee…” *burp* Youngbae-oppa seems to be stammering on the other line.
“Oppa, are you okay?” I stood up and whispered at Seunghyun “Excuse me” before walking to the edge of the room for some privacy.
“Deee… I feel so bad. Hik… hik… Oppa needs you. Hik…” Is he drinking? Youngbae-oppa barely drinks alcohol. And never did he get drunk since I knew him.
“Are you drinking oppa? I think you’re already drunk. Where are you?”
“I’m fine… Your unnie is so bad… hik… sob… hik… I’m really hurt. Sob… hik… Did she know how tiring it is to wait? It seems like she’s planning to make me wait forever.” Is he crying now? Did something happen between him and Bom-unnie? I don’t know but I’m worried about him.
“Where are you oppa? Tell me.” I demanded him to tell me where he is.
“I’m at the usual place where we usually drink and have fun.” Usual place where we usually drink and have fun… He must be at Z.E.D. Bar.
“Oppa, I’m coming. Please wait for me. And don’t drink anymore!” I hurriedly hang up the phone and went to talk with Seunghyun asking for me to leave early cause I have to go somewhere important. *Crap* I still have to ask him why he kissed me. That, will have to wait for tomorrow.
* Samgyupsal is another popular Korean meat dish. It consists of thick pork strips, served in the same fashion as galbi but there is no marinating involved. Sometimes it is cooked on a grill with kimchi, mushrooms, garlic, onions and consumed together. This dish is usually served with a side of lettuce, spinach, or other leafy vegetable(s), which is used to wrap a slice of cooked samgyupsal. A dab of ssamjang (usually made of kochujang or dwenjang), kimchi, or other side dishes are also added and then eaten as a whole. Source
Do you know what I’m thinking…. ^_^ kekeke…*grins naughtily.*
Excuse my poor grammar and English. ^_^