“Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it’s when he ignores you and you still love him, it’s when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I’m happy for you and all you do is cry.”
After that incident Youngbae-oppa talks to me formally and seem to keep his distance from me. I guess it’s for the best. Daesung-oppa must have noticed our indifference towards each other but didn’t ask me about it. I think he understands that we want our privacy and don’t want to talk about it. We kept our composure up to the day we arrived in Korea.
At the airport, he offered to drop me off at the house. I reluctantly agreed. When we arrive home, he even unloads my baggage and helps me carry it inside. Bom-unnie was waiting outside and warmly greets us. She hugged me first and asked me if I was doing fine before she kissed Youngba-oppa behind my back. I hurriedly went inside to avoid seeing their sweet reunion. But I still managed to sneak a peek of them kissing each other. And I manage to catch Youngbae-oppa’s forgive-me gaze. It didn’t help at all. I guess he feels sorry after all. He tried many times to talk me about it but I always left before he can continue talking. I think I can’t handle talking about it without breaking down in front of him. I don’t want to look like a fool in front of him again. Once is enough. If ever it happens again, I must be the biggest idiot in this world.
It’s already been a week since we arrived in Korea when I decided to pay Seunghyun a visit. I feel like I don’t deserve to meet him at all. I don’t know but my feelings are torn. I don’t know who I love and I can’t talk to anyone about it. My friend CL left for Japan last week and will be back by tomorrow. I don’t want to talk to her on the phone about it, scared somebody might overhear us. Dara and I shared the same room so I tried sharing my thoughts with her the other day but was frightened that she might hate me because of it. She understood me the most but what I’ve done was terribly wrong. I also stopped crying alone, it would only awaken suspicion if somebody caught me.
I rode a taxi on my way to Seunghyun’s house. I let the taxi drop me at the corner where I then sat and cried waiting for Youngbae-oppa. I decided to walk the rest of the path towards their gate. I want to think how and what should I say to him.
I was taking my time walking towards their gate, when I noticed someone came out of it. It was Seunghyun. He was standing, looking out and seems to be waiting for someone. I quickened my pace to reach him. But before I could, a taxi arrived and a young lady came out who rushed towards him and embraced him with all fondness. He, in turn, twirls the girl locking her in an embrace. Imagine lovers dancing a waltz where the guy lifts the girl in an embrace and twirls her around? That’s what they’re doing. It seems like they haven’t seen each other for a long time. She must be a relative because she looks too young to be his girlfriend.
But then, there is another lady who gracefully got out of the taxi and went up to Seunghyun and gave him a kiss on the lips??? Now, would a relative do that? Ohh… I remember Hyori-unnie is not a relative at all. She’s a close family friend taking care of his aunt’s vacation house. Even the young girl was taken aback. But Seunghyun wasn’t. He just raised his left eyebrow and gave out a mocking smile. Then he ushered them into his house.
I stopped on my tracks. Should I still visit him? From what I saw, I think he doesn’t need me anymore. So, he can see already and he looks really healthy and happy now. I’m still contemplating of what to do while I continued walking towards their gate. When I stood in front of it, I was thinking whether to ring the doorbell or not. I was still thinking what to do when I started feeling dizzy. I managed to press the doorbell once before darkness engulfed me.
When I woke up, I am inside a familiar room. The curtains, the bed and the setting of the room are all familiar. It seems like I’ve been here before. I tried to rake my mind when somebody came in. It was Hyori-unnie with a tray in her hands.
“Here, have some porridge.” She lay it down at the table beside the bed.
“Where am I?” I ask her looking at the surroundings then back at her. She looks sexy in flowery mini dress shaping her petite figure. Her hair falls down forming her lovely face. When did I wish I was her?
“You’re at Choi’s residence.”
“Seunghyun’s house. I found you lying unconscious on the ground outside the gate.”
“I see…” I rubbed my forehead trying to remember why I fainted.
“You didn’t seem to have eaten well these days.”
“I guess so… I don’t have that much appetite the past few days.”
“Oh no… you should eat even little. It’s bad for your baby… he’ll go hungry too you know.”
“I’m not hungry…” There’s something wrong with what she just said. “Baby?”
“Yeah… you shouldn’t think only of yourself cause you have a baby inside you now.”
“I don’t have a baby…” Panic is rising up within me. What the heck is she talking about?
“You’re pregnant dear… You shouldn’t be stressing out yourself too much. You should think of your baby.”
“Pregnant!?” Is she talking to me? “Who’s pregnant?” I look at her eyes intently hoping… she’s not referring to me.
“You are.” She answered pointing a finger at me for a moment before she took a spoon and dug in at the porridge. “Here, eat a little.”
I just swallowed what she fed me. What she said still didn’t sink right into my mind. I’m pregnant? Am I pregnant? I rub my stomach to feel if there’s anything inside it. Impossible! This couldn’t be happening. This isn’t happening.
When the thought finally sink in, my tears came rushing down my face. I can’t stop sobbing. Nooo… It can’t be true. What will happen to me? What will happen to Bom-unnie? I don’t want this.
Hyori-unnie was shocked with my reaction and didn’t know what to do but she tried to comfort me by rubbing her hand up and down my back. I looked at her.
“You’re not certain unnie… right?” I’m still hoping she’s not right.
“You can check it for yourself. You better go to the hospital right now.”
When I was about to answer, somebody enters the room. It was the younger lady, followed by Seunghyun. I gasped. What should I tell him now? Why did I ever came here to see him? To let him know I got pregnant by my sister’s fiancée? What does that make me? Grief is written all over my face. I hid my face with my hands and bowed my head.
“What’s wrong unnie?” said the little girl.
“Hmm… she’s not really feeling well. We have to bring her to the hospital.”
“No! No… I can go on my own.” I shrieked thinking that Seunghyun might know. I grab Hyori-unnie’s hand and whispered in her ear. “Unnie, please don’t let anyone know.”
She looks at me with curious eyes. It seems she understands.
Seunghyun moves toward the bed. I froze. What should I do?
He grabs a chair and seats beside Hyori-unnie. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing.” Hyori just smiled at him. The younger lady came towards me and feels my forehead. “You don’t have a fever. Are you alright?”
“Yes, I’m fine.” They’re all nice. I look at Seunghyun. Doesn’t he recognize me? He looks at me back and his forehead forms a frown.
“Who are you? Why were you in front of our house?” His question just answered my question. I was about to say something when Hyori answered for me.
“I don’t know. She must have been just walking around and felt dizzy when she came up at the house and must have accidentally pressed the doorbell.” I don’t know if I should thank her for her answer or not.
“Is that so? I thought she’s someone we know.” Seunghyun rubs his forehead looking bewildered.
“I… I have to go now. Thank you for your kindness.” I swiftly stood up but doing so resulted to my legs going wobbly and I started to feel dizzy again and felt a vomit coming up. He held my shoulders and tried to steady me. “Are you alright? Maybe you should lie down for a while.” Is he always like this? Is he really kind even to strangers? I shook my head and ran towards the bathroom. I know where it is so I didn’t have to ask them.
I cry and vomit at the same time. I look at myself in the mirror. What kind of mess did I get myself into? For a minute, I just look at my pathetic self. Then, I cleaned up my face. I have to think straight. I have to go and get a pregnancy test kit to confirm my situation.
After fixing myself, I got out of the bathroom with a smile in my face. “Thanks a lot. I should really be going now.” Hyori-unnie just bows her head. The younger lady looked confused. Seunghyun cocks his head looking at me questioning also but didn’t say anything.
I move towards the door and Seunghyun followed me. “Let me take you to the gate.” He held my elbow like I used to do when I guided him on his steps. I stifled a sob. I can’t have him now. I don’t deserve a guy like him. I remove his hand from my elbow and moved forward.
We just walked silently. I never looked back at him. I’m scared about something I couldn’t contemplate yet. When we reached the gate, I just bow at him and continued to walk towards the corner with my head low. I hope he won’t know it was me who served as his eyes before.
“Yah! I think you forgot something.” I stopped on my tracks. I didn’t look back or even turned to face him. I just stopped walking.
Without facing him, I said “What is it?”
“Won’t you even turn to look at me?” I turned around and he is holding my pouch. I forgot about my things. I didn’t even notice he took it along with him.
“Thank You.” Is all I can say when I took the pouch from him. But, something falls from the pouch. And, he went to pick it up. Color drained from my face when I became aware that he is picking up my wallet. I immediately grabbed it away from him. And luck would have it, there is a taxi coming. I instantly call for it. And when the taxi stopped in front of me, I bow at him and got inside quickly.
I was quivering the moment I got inside the taxi. I looked at the rearview mirror and saw that he just stood there. I let out a deep sigh and opened my wallet. Inside it is a picture of us sitting beside each other in their couch. It was taken from one of our happy moments. I muffled another escaping sob. I can never see him again.
On my way home, I decided to stop by at a pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test kit. The moment I went home, I proceeded to the guest room which has a private bath room. Quickly, I took the pregnancy test kit from my bag and took the test inside the bathroom. My worries have been confirmed. I’m pregnant. I stare at the bathroom mirror for a long time and at the pregnancy test kit. I have to think of what to do. I couldn’t tell anyone. Think… Think… Think… Should I tell Youngbae-oppa? No… I can’t let him know. I don’t know what he’ll say. And I couldn’t let any of my family know. I deposit the pregnancy test kit in my bag. I have no choice but to abandon this. The sooner, the better.
I quickly went downstairs fumbling with my bag, making sure that the test kit is hidden. I wrap it in my handkerchief and placed it at the bottom. I move towards the door when…
“Sandy, where are you going?” Youngbae-oppa is standing on the doorway with his hand on Bom-unnie’s waist. Yes… I seem to notice every little detail of them ever since we arrived and I usually stay in my room to avoid it. Now, seeing them again makes my heart beat wildly. Especially since there is something they should know that I wouldn’t want them to know.
“Just Somewhere…”I reply with a smile. I’m really good at pretending these days.
“I see… Would you like to come back and work at the hospital? Dr. Yang said he could make a schedule for you.” After we arrived from Australia, I didn’t go back to work. I wanted to rest for awhile and decided what to do since Dara is feeling well lately. I may use this opportunity to do what I want. She even told me that.
“Ahh… I think I would like to rest for some more. I still have some savings.” I reply with a smile. The last thing I need is to work at the same place with him and see him every day. I continue to walk towards the door and they step aside to let me go thru. But, Bom-unnie suddenly grabbed my hand. My heart seems to stop beating. I look at her questioningly.
“Sweetie, can you accompany me to the seamstress? I wanna check my gown since Youngbae here is always telling me I’m beautiful in it. I wanna know if it’s true from a woman’s perspective and I know you’re not biased.” She smiled sweetly at me with a pleading tone. That’s the last thing I need to do today since I have to sort something out myself. Before I can give an answer, somebody speaks behind my back.
“Unnie! I wanna come too…” I close my eyes. That somebody is CL, my best friend who finally arrives and just in time to ruin my escape. “I can come too Sandy, right?” CL grabs hold of my other hand too and glee is written all over her face. She really loves shopping and judging people on what they are wearing. I do too. But, not now.
“I… Maybe CL can go with you. I have to go somewhere else.” I tried to remove both of their grasps when both woman looks at me with puppy dog eyes you just can’t resist. “Ohhh… okay.” They both kiss my cheek and do high five. Then grabbed my hands and dragged me towards Youngbae-oppa’s car. I look at Youngbae-oppa, he is smiling at us. That jerk! How can he smile like that when I’m hurting all over?
At the dress shop.
CL and I helped Bom-unnie into her wedding dress. When it’s finally done, she twirled in front of us happily.
“How do I look? I’m the prettiest bride, right?” She asks us as she twirls again.
I manage to choke out a “Yes”. My throat is starting to clog up.
Can I ruin my sister’s happiness like this? I must be the world’s worst sister. I can’t. I’d rather suffer alone than bring an end to her happiness. A tear slid down my face unintentionally. I swiftly wipe it out before someone notices it. Unfortunately someone did.
“Are you okay Sandy?” I didn’t notice Youngbae-oppa is already standing beside me. He left earlier to check up on his own outfit.
“Yeah… It’s just that my sister is really pretty… and happy. We’re so stupid.” I look at him teary-eyed. I’m so stupid to feel something for you. I clutch my heart cause it seems to hurt. I don’t know which is painful, the fact that the man who’s my sister’s happiness got me pregnant or I can’t have the man who I want. I think Youngbae sensed my pain cause all of a sudden he looked at me agonizingly. He tried to reach out to me as if to comfort me or something.
But he let his hand down. “I’m sorry.” Then, he turned and looked at Bom-unnie with a wry smile. I look at him as he gazed at his soon-to-be wife. Does he really love my sister? Then why did the incident at Australia happen? Should I tell him I’m having his baby? What should we do then? Will he give up Bom for our baby? Argh… I don’t know what to do.
NEXT: Will Sandy tell Youngbae about their baby? What will happen to Bom? Will Bom find out about Sandy’s pregnancy?
***I just had to laugh at my editor’s comment on this… “Char! :D” hahaha… You don’t find it funny? nevermind…